Oil and Water and Turians
by writtenrhythm
Summary: After the war, Grissom Academy has a fundraiser complete with cotton candy, boisterous children, and dunk tanks. Garrus and Shepard enjoy the festivities, until Kaidan makes himself a target too irresistible for Shepard to pass up.


"So…this is what Humans do for fun, hmm? Looks…interesting."

Shepard laughed at Garrus' deadpan tone. Anything not related to guns, justice, or Tali and the Turian pretty much checked out. But he was only on the Citadel for a few more days, and she was determined to spend as much time with her best friend as possible.

"Well, it is a charity event. Can't have too much fun, or people might forget the cause."

Grissom Academy was having a fundraiser to cover scholarships for low income biotics or specialists. Shepard thought it was a great idea; maybe if the program had been around when she was younger, she wouldn't have ended up running biotics for a gang back on Earth. That was why she decided to lend her support as Human Councilor; anywhere she went nowadays a verifiable plague of reporters trailed her. Maybe now they would have something useful to report, instead of where she was last seen dining.

Garrus took in the sights, mandibles flexing with curiosity when he saw a young boy run past with a stick full of soft, pink fluff. "And what is that?"

"Cotton candy," Shepard answered. "I'd offer to buy you some, but…"

"But it'd probably kill me." He rolled his blue eyes down to stare at her. "Is there actually any food here that I can eat, or should I have packed my suit with dextro bars?"

She laughed; "Relax, Garrus. I promise we'll hunt down dinner after the event. Until then, however, I want some cotton candy. C'mon!"

Shepard could navigate a crowd almost as easily as a battlefield. She dragged Garrus down to a booth where they stood in line for two forevers – he counted – before they returned to strolling through the booths. "So where is Kaidan?" Garrus asked. "I thought you said he'd be here."

"That's what he told me," she said distractedly, trying to remove fluffed sugar from the side of her mouth before a photographer got a shot of it and it ended up being tomorrow's headline. "He wouldn't tell me what booth he was running, though. Knowing him, he's probably running errands backstage."

At that moment, they both heard Kaidan's voice calling out loudly over the din of the crowd: "Come on! Is that the best you got?!"

Alarmed, they both quickly made a bee-line towards his voice, maneuvering around a quickly growing crowd – Shepard much more gracefully so than Garrus. When she saw what was happening her shoulders started shaking with barely-contained laughter.

"Well," she said, "I guess that's why he wouldn't tell me what booth he was working!"

It was a dunk tank.

A relatively impressive dunk tank, she had to admit. Kaidan was sitting on top of a little platform, hovering over no less than six feet of water. He wore only a taunting grin and a suspiciously dry bathing suit. Above him was a sign stating: 3 Tries for 100 Credits! Off to his left was a target that a girl was trying in vain to hit with the rubber balls they supplied for the game.

"Come on, Branford!" Kaidan goaded. "I've seen your 'lifts'. You couldn't manage to hit the broad side of a barn."

"Can it, Professor," Branford replied, lining up her second shot. A valiant wind up was followed by a shot that was just a bit too high to trigger the dunk tank and soak Kaidan through.

"This is what the Human Spectres get up to in their free time?" Garrus laughed, mandibles flexing with amusement. "How did you _ever_ win the war?"

"You've got me shaking in my bathing suit up here. Another dozen tries and you might actually hit the target!"

Branford scowled as she lined up her next shot. Alenko held his arms out wide, daring her to make contact. She screwed up her eyes, drew back her arm, and let the ball fly with a soft grunt of effort. The blue ball arched beautifully through the air, but it came down much too quickly. It was headed for a direct course towards the bottom of the target – another miss…

…until Shepard activated her biotics and grabbed hold of the ball, mentally _shoving_ it dead into the bull's-eye.

The platform disengaged with a loud _clank!_ , dropping Kaidan into the freezing water. His smug grin dropped into a shocked expression as he reached for the surface of the water. Coughing and spluttering, he treaded water while one hand combed his hair back into some array of order. "The hell?!"

Searching the crowd, he finally spotted his wife and her best friend standing off to the side of the booth, laughing their asses off. Shaking his head, he climbed back onto the platform. "About time I got wet!" he goaded them. "It was getting hot up here!"

The assistant who was collecting credits cleared her throat and pointed at a sign above Kaidan's head – _'No Biotics!'_

"Alright," Shepard apologized, stepping forward with a credit chit. "Let's do this the old fashioned way, then."

The crowd behind them tittered with excitement. "It's Commander Shepard!" someone shouted, and she tried to ignore the flash of multiple cameras going off. This would probably be all over the 'gossip' sections of tomorrow's newspapers, but that was okay as long as the reporters mentioned the fundraiser and not just her trying to dunk her husband.

Kaidan was now perched back on his platform. He looked a lot less smug while sitting there dripping wet, but he still pulled out a wide grin for her. "I dunno, Shepard," he goaded. "You've been riding a desk for a long time. Still think you can hit a target?"

"You better be careful what you say to me, babe. Remember – I know where you live." The assistant handed over her three balls and she tossed one in the air, testing for weight.

"Sure, sure," Kaidan said, loud enough for the crowd to hear their teasing. "But I know I'd be a lot more nervous if Archangel was trying to hit that target."

"Of course you would be, Kaidan," Garrus chimed in. "But I reserve my aim for targets that are actually… _important_."

The crowd 'oohed' appreciatively as Shepard wound up her arm. Kaidan grinned widely, but his fingers gripped the platform just a bit tighter. Even if she had given up her title at the Alliance to become a councilor, it was unnerving to be downrange of _Commander Fucking Shepard_.

She lined up her shot, narrowed her eyes, and let the ball fly. It hit the target dead center and again the platform released with a deafening _clang!_ Kaidan plummeted into the cold water, emerging slightly more composed than the last time since he was now expecting his bath.

"Not bad, Shepard," he said, climbing back onto the platform. "But I've still tasted you're cooking. Can't be good at everything, huh?"

She rolled her eyes, bouncing the ball onto the ground a few times. "Who cares? We can always order out. Listening to your _snoring_ , on the other hand…"

"Alright you two," Garrus interjected. "Is this a charity event or couples counseling?"

Before Kaidan could reply Shepard let her next ball fly. Again it hit the target, and again he went plummeting into the depths. "Alright, Shepard, you've proved your point," Kaidan gasped as he climbed back up onto his platform – a little more slowly this time. "Maybe let someone else have a turn?"

"What's the matter? Getting… _cold feet?_ "

"Never," he said, fixing her with a hard stare.

"Hmm…maybe you're right," she said, letting her hand drop to her side. "I've proven my point, haven't I?" The crowd behind her booed and cheered for more.

Kaidan opened his mouth to say something, but never got the chance before Shepard released her last shot, hitting the target with lightning fast accuracy. He went down, swallowing a mouthful of stale water and coming up spluttering.

Wiping the water out of his eyes, Kaidan saw Shepard laughing with her head thrown back and one hand on Garrus' arm. The crowd cheered louder than ever as more people lined up to take a shot at him.

Was he really going to let her walk away with the upper hand? Kaidan narrowed his eyes and swam to the edge of the tank. "You asked for this!" he shouted, climbing over the edge and into the crowd. Shepard's eyes grew wide when she saw his dripping body coming for her. The crowd pressed in on her back, leaving her with nowhere to retreat.

"Kaidan, no!" she screeched, fending him off with one hand. "Don't even think about it!"

He easily ducked around her flimsy attempt and yanked her onto his shoulder in a fireman-style carry. She pounded on his back with open fists, struggling to get away. "Kaidan, I swear I will hurt you if you don't let me go _right now!_ I mean it! I've got dinner after this! I can't get wet! Kaidan, are you hearing me? Kaidan? _KAIDAN!"_

He dumped her over the side of the dunk tank – impressive dress and all. She was screaming his name as she broke the water's surface until her voice was drowned out by the water and the crowd's cheer. More cameras went off as Shepard bubbled up to the surface looking like a drowned rat. Her thick red hair now lay in dark tendrils across her face while her dress sagged in interesting ways thanks to the added weight of the water.

"You absolute ass, Kaidan Alenko!" she shouted at him, splashing him with a wave of water, but she was laughing too. Foregoing the 'no biotics' rule, she yanked him off the ground and dropped him into the dunk tank next to her. He came up, spitting a mouthful of water at her that she batted away.

The crowd hooted and hollered behind them, but inside the tank they were nothing more than a newlywed couple pranking each other and having the time of their life. Shepard was a bit too short to reach the bottom of the tank, so he helped her sit on the platform. The heavy drenched fabric of her dress made her movements sluggish and awkward, but once she was seated she grinned at him.

"This water is actually kind of cold," she said whilst her lips started turning the slightest shade of blue.

"I wouldn't have known, if it hadn't been thanks to you," he accused.

She grinned. "All for a good cause, Alenko."

Looking up at her while she smiled at him – hair dripping, makeup smeared, dress ruined – his heart seized with love. She was absolutely beautiful, and she was all his. "I love you," he reminded her as his webbed fingertips gripped the edge of the platform.

Her eyes softened as she stared down at him. Running a hand through his wet hair, she smiled softly. "And I love you."

Kaidan pulled himself up to her height on the platform, pressing his frozen lips to hers. She pulled him in closer to the warmth of her body – the soles of her feet pressing against his thighs – as they forgot the crowd behind him. She took a shaky breath as he ran his tongue along her bottom lip, then venturing forward to deepen the kiss.

 _CLANG!_ Went the target as the platform released, plummeting them both once more into the water and ruining the mood. They leaped upwards from the bottom of the tank with furious expressions, scanning the crowd as soon as they wiped the water and hair from their eyes.

Garrus stood at the front of the line, mandibles flexing with laughter as he juggled the two remaining balls in his hands. "You were right, Shepard!" he called out to her. "Charity events _can_ be fun!"

Shepard scrambled out of the tank – with a little help from Kaidan – as she tried to chase down her currently least-favorite Turian. Garrus retreated into the crowd as Shepard and Kaidan chased him down. Flecks of water splashed off the pair, parting the crowd that much easier.

"Come back here, Archangel!" Shepard shouted, trying to get a bit more speed as her drenched dress tangled around her legs. "Why don't we see if Turians really can swim!"


End file.
